Yesterday I read that CA is extending #StayHome for 3 more months, just when we thought we were winding down. Cal State U’s are cancelling brick and mortar classes in favor of online for Fall semester. One of my kids is enrolled, I was looking forward to her “starting college.” This will be a bit different. And, the curve we thought we were flattening is still going up.
Today was the first day in the last 2 months that I began to feel overwhelmed by the immensity and toll on everything and everyone. I’ve been doing pretty well at remaining upbeat, thinking of positive things to say and do every day, and being proactive about starting and finishing projects. I put in a raised garden, planted a bunch of oak saplings, learned several new recipes, started making kites (I’ll post some kites soon.) But after hearing we would be in this holding pattern for at least 3 more months, I lost the plot a bit.
It’s rare for me to be without a plan, but today I found it difficult to think of what to do. So many things seem vital and necessary right now, yet I’m powerless to do most of them. It’s a paralyzing feeling.
When I feel stalled, I make a list, each item preceded by a little box. Then I start checking the boxes. The first box today was “make tea” – check. Next, “water oaks” – check. I saw some tiny blue butterflies while watering them, later this evening I will investigate what they are. I’m not thinking about next week, or next month. Just figuring out today, and that will get my mind moving again. ☑︎ Walk the dogs. ☑︎ Make food. I’m making a wild rice salad I usually reserve for Thanksgiving. ☑︎ Refill bird feeder. We have goldfinches and hummingbirds, I love watching them. ☑︎ Paint a bit. ☐ Write blog post. I’m keeping it real simple.
This is one of the paintings I made as I work through this stuck feeling. It’s called TOWOIT, which means “The only way out is through.” We can’t fight it, we can’t duck it, we can’t ignore it, we can’t deny it. We can only get through it.
I wish you all strength, patience, kindness, endurance, and an abundance of good friends and neighbors, which is something we can all be to each other right now. Tomorrow there will be a new list, and new things to appreciate and accomplish. We’ll get through.